From Jakarta to Auckland, a Woman's Journey of Resilience

Between Friends featuring Yutia Meilani

This month's edition of Between Friends is quite special. I had to track her down since we lost touch after my days at Philips ended. Her name is Yutia. She was a colleague of mine, though we worked in different departments and ended up friending each other on Facebook. Facebook is great that way - especially for staying in touch with people. I knew she had moved to New Zealand with her family. So, I decided to reach out to her and ask her to share her stories.

I hope you'll enjoy reading and be inspired to always listen to your heart, stay curious, and consider what really matters in life.

Can you introduce yourself? I'm Yutia, though my friends know me as Tia. I'm originally from Indonesia but have been calling New Zealand home for the past 8 years. While it felt like a foreign land at first, it has become my cherished home now. I'm married with three children, aged between 17 and 9, and I currently work as a Finance and Office Manager in a US-owned company here in Auckland.

Could you share a bit about your life and career in Jakarta, and what ultimately led you to seek a new adventure in New Zealand?

Growing up in Jakarta, the frantic pace of life felt entirely natural to me. Juggling the responsibilities of caring for my children, working full-time in a multinational company that demanded frequent travel, and managing the expectations of high-demanding social circles, in-laws, and extended family seemed like the norm. Everyone around me seemed to be doing the same. It was manageable, but there was always a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that something was different.

Fortunately, I had the opportunity to experience life abroad at a young age. During university, I took a semester off to participate in the Youth Exchange Programme offered by an institution called Canada World Youth. This program sent me to a town in Canada to live with a Canadian family and work as a volunteer alongside a Canadian counterpart in local businesses.

Living in Canada exposed me to a completely different lifestyle. Coming home after a long day meant simple gatherings around the dining table, sharing chores with family members, and enjoying leisurely weekends with activities like movies in the park, community barbecues, or visiting local markets where people sold and bought produce from their gardens.

Though I completed the program and returned home to Jakarta, the memories of my time in Canada stayed with me. During a particularly challenging period in my life, those memories resurfaced, prompting me to seek out new adventures and experiences.

What inspired you and your husband to make the bold decision to move from Jakarta to Auckland?

My husband was 38 years young when doctors discovered massive blockages in his coronary arteries. I then learned many new terms related to coronary artery disease: stent placement, open-heart surgery, and blood thinner medications. We had just welcomed our youngest daughter, and I felt overwhelmed.

After an unsuccessful stent placement, the cardiologist recommended CABG treatment for him. It's an open-heart surgery with risks, but it seemed to be the only treatment that could significantly improve his condition. Given his relatively young age, doctors anticipated a faster recovery. We were fortunate to have my friend's dad perform the operation. He looked me in the eyes and promised to do his best, and it was a great success.

Following this ordeal, we discovered that stress is a major contributor to coronary blockages at a young age. My husband had been managing a construction company back home, mainly serving government clients. It was a role he inherited from his father and seemed like his only option. However, he wasn't aware of the toll the job was taking on his health until it hit him.

I vividly remember waiting for him to wake up from surgery. It was a lengthy procedure involving taking his heart out of his body, deflating his lung, placing him on a respiratory machine, working on his arteries, and then putting his heart back. It was a frightening experience.

When he finally woke up, I told him that we needed to forget about the stressful life and focus on his health. We needed to make changes.

That's when we began researching alternatives. A simple Google search using keywords like "the most laidback country, great education, free health system, family-oriented nation" brought New Zealand to our attention.

Our research continued as we looked into how to migrate to New Zealand and how to break the news to our parents. Starting from scratch worried them, but we were determined to make the move.

We decided to migrate using study as our entrance route. I enrolled myself in a Post Graduate Diploma in Business in Auckland, which allowed my husband to obtain a work visa as my partner, and our children could be treated as domestic students as the children of a work visa holder.

As for our parents, we initially told them that I had received a scholarship and that this was an opportunity for us to live abroad and give our kids overseas experience at a young age. It was a lie; there was no scholarship. We scraped our savings to pay the international student fees for my study. After a few years, we confessed to our parents, and fortunately, they understood.

In April 2016, the five of us boarded a one-way flight to Auckland. We landed in New Zealand for the first time in our lives and stayed in an Airbnb for a couple of weeks with no friends or family nearby. Looking back, it seems crazy, but it was so much fun. I wouldn't hesitate to do it all over again; no regrets.

Could you describe the journey of building your café in Auckland, from conception to opening day, and the joys and challenges along the way?

When we decided to move to Auckland, we discovered that the hospitality sector offered the most promising job opportunities for my husband, given his background in construction management lacked the necessary certifications for New Zealand. This led us to focus on restaurants and cafes as potential employers.

Despite my husband's upbringing, where he had little exposure to kitchen operations and was accustomed to being served, his keen palate and experience tasting his mother's cooking proved invaluable. Within just three days of our arrival in Auckland, he was offered a position as a kitchen helper. His rapid learning abilities propelled him forward, and within 18 months, he proudly assumed the role of head chef, overseeing a team of eight professional chefs.

With his proficiency in kitchen management and his prior experience running a company in Indonesia, we decided to venture into entrepreneurship upon obtaining permanent residency. However, setting up our own cafe demanded extensive time and effort, often pulling us away from cherished family moments.

After less than a year, we made the difficult decision to step away from the business. While the experience provided invaluable lessons in company setup, kitchen hygiene standards, staff management, and taxation, our priority remains our children. Perhaps one day, when they are older, we may revisit the idea of entrepreneurship. But for now, our focus is on nurturing our family bond and prioritizing our children's well-being.

Are there any specific cultural values or traditions regarding parenting in Indonesia that you've had to adapt or modify in New Zealand?

We prioritize transparent and open communication with our children, discussing the Indonesian values we hold dear while also embracing the egalitarian principles of New Zealand.

While we hope they will value our guidance and preserve our cherished traditions, our ultimate goal is for them to become valued contributors to society. While we emphasize one or two core life principles, we recognize that their journey is their own.

Moving to a new country brings cultural shocks, not only for children but also for parents. I believe our actions speak louder than words, so I want my children to witness my humanity — acknowledging mistakes, learning from them, and moving forward. I encourage them to listen to their hearts, prioritize kindness to others, and practice self-compassion.

Ideally, our children would embrace the values we instill as guiding principles for decision-making. They should consider the consequences of their choices, not for validation or to impress others, but to make thoughtful decisions aligned with their values.

Adaptation seems like the appropriate term; I can't imagine myself being the same mother today if I had remained in Jakarta.

Have you found any cultural similarities or shared values regarding parenting practices between Indonesia and New Zealand that have pleasantly surprised you?

Auckland boasts a richly diverse culture, with residents hailing from various corners of the globe. Some hold steadfast to their traditions, adding to the city's vibrant tapestry. What I've observed in terms of parenting style here in Auckland, compared to Jakarta, is that regardless of one's traditional values or religious beliefs, parenting is fundamentally about caring and unconditional love. The concept of "it takes a village" rings true here, with our community serving as a colorful and accepting support system.

In fact, the diverse cultural landscape of Auckland has provided fertile ground for fostering healthy discussions with my children about how values are formed and our role in preserving our identity as individuals. This multicultural environment has allowed us to explore different perspectives and traditions, enriching our understanding of the world and our place within it.

In what ways do educational systems and resources for parents differ between Indonesia and New Zealand, and how has this influenced your approach to your children's education?

The New Zealand education system is centered around what they call inquiry-based learning, where learners set the objectives for their own learning plans. Unlike traditional systems that emphasize competition, New Zealand prioritizes self-improvement, fostering a mindset where personal progress is the primary benchmark, encapsulated in the philosophy of outdoing oneself each day.

Grading in New Zealand follows a qualitative approach, with no numerical grades given until students reach their senior years in secondary school. Instead, students are evaluated based on achievement standards, which assess their attainment across four distinct grades: Not Achieved, Achieved, Merit, and Excellence.

This innovative assessment framework focuses on individualized learning, allowing each child to flourish at their own pace without the constraints of traditional grading systems.

I conducted extensive research to understand the New Zealand education system, enabling me to envision the classroom dynamics and anticipate what to expect.

There's a pervasive stereotype about Asian mothers in Western countries, but I strive to move away from that by engaging in open conversations with my kids about how we can support them in achieving their goals in school.

Have there been any unexpected lessons or insights you've gained from your experiences as an entrepreneur and immigrant in New Zealand?

When we embarked on starting a business in NZ, we partnered with a fellow Indonesian. However, we were naive and failed to formalize our agreement properly on paper. This oversight led to a bitter ending, leaving us thousands of dollars short. It's a common pitfall—being thousands of miles away from home, one tends to assume that anyone from your home country shares the same values, leading to lowered guards. We learned this the hard way, and in hindsight, we would have approached things differently if we had known better.

Nevertheless, we believe that everything happens for a reason. We view this experience as a valuable learning opportunity, and despite the setbacks, we have no regrets.

Can you share any advice or words of wisdom for others contemplating a major life change or embarking on a new entrepreneurial venture?

As new migrants, we are bound to encounter unfamiliar experiences and learn from them—whether those experiences are positive or negative, they all contribute to our growth. The most important thing is to recognize that we have the ability to bounce back, as long as we hold onto our motivations. It's crucial to preserve those reasons and keep moving forward.

Remaining open to learning is essential. No matter how skilled you were in your previous job back home, it's vital to observe and adapt to the practices in the new country. Integration is key, and once you've acclimated, you can begin to contribute by sharing your previous experiences. Kiwis are known for their humility and aversion to standing out, so fitting in is crucial for success.

Continuously upskilling yourself is also important. Take advantage of online courses, join discussion groups, and engage in volunteering activities. These were some of the steps I took when we first moved to NZ, and they proved invaluable in helping us settle into our new life.

How do you define success in your own life, and how has that definition evolved over time?

I remember a time when I measured success by wealth and power. But over time, my perspective has shifted. Now, success for me can be as simple as tucking my kids into bed with full tummies, or finding contentment after a day spent in the garden, craving nothing more than a peaceful night's sleep. During flu season, success means keeping my family healthy and avoiding doctor visits.

However, if I fall short of these ideals, I've come to accept it. As Winston Churchill said, "Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." It's the resilience and perseverance in the face of challenges that truly define success.